Archive for PAR OF THE WEEK

PAR/GROAN of the Week

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 28, 2010 by lyfeandlyrics


So yesterday I decided that due to us not having any fizzy pop in the cupboard and me having a severe craving for some Fizzy Drinkle in my system I decided to head to the shop to get a little something something to quench my thirst!!


So I headed to Tesco’s. I’d had a few problems with the chip on my card being very temperamental but took a chance at the self service. Went to the self service to with it said it couldn’t read my card. I called the assistant.
She rudely directed me to a standard checkout to which I was like “Cool, fine”. Got there to some absolute wazzocck who tried my card in the chip and pin? OBVIOUSLY this didn’t work and he took my card out… Looked at the pin and pointed at it then started rubbing it …… FRAUBASVIBADMICODABVIANERIUB AM I A F’CKING MIND READER WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!?!?


I was cleared getting heated by this point. So said to him “What does this movement indicate” and he replied “Damage” so I said to him. Swipe it then!! Then the assistant manager came over and stuck her oar in! “He can’t actually do that you can’t override it” then the assistant said “It’s been overridden, can you sign here” SEE YOU LATER ASSISTANT MANAGER GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER!!

Anyways signed the receipt and the assistant then decided he wanted to check it 50 times. Then called Mother Moose the Assistant Manager who checked it and said that she can’t really allow him to accept it. WHAT??? I got my driving licence out and showed the dude my signature on there while the woman was still ranting. The dude accepted that it was me and put the transaction through saying it was fine.


However the woman continued to rant saying the signatures have to look similar. So I responded “If the signatures didn’t look similar then why did you let your colleague put the transaction through? If it did look similar then why are you here?” to which she said “DO YOU WANT TO LET ME FINISH SIR?!?!?” Wow!!

Luckily for her I left the shop. However if Tesco’s played Dubstep, Collie Buddz or Tempa T’s next hype that woman would have most probably been thrown right back to isle 18 by her ears!! Don’t ever talk down to me especially if you’re wrong!!



Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 11, 2010 by lyfeandlyrics



I went shopping yesterday to get some bits for dinner. I like to have everything I need when Im cooking up a storm so Im always in Sainsbury’s or Tesco’s grabbing the bits and pieces I need.


So I made my way to the checkout after my shop and spotted one checkout was pretty much clear an old lady was paying for her shop. So i rushed over giving everyone else evils who looked as though they may be on route to the same checkout. I got there… feeling victorious with a smile on my face I put all of my items on the conveyor and wait my turn.


The woman is looking for her receipt in her purse. She started to argue with the assistant saying he didn’t give it to her. The assistant reassured her that she had it. She continued to argue…

Tick Tock, Tick Tock…

The assistant explained that he had put two bottles of drink on the one receipt. The penny then dropped and the woman realised that she did have the receipt but she thought she should have two.

Great now I can pay for my shopping, Wohoo!!

Then the woman turned to her assistant (Who was some miffed Taxi man) and asked if he’d picked up the hand towels that were on offer. The Taxi man looks in confusion and she explained that she wanted some Velvet hand towels in white. Her assistant ran off to grab the hand towels. So once again I continued to wait…

Tick Tock, Tick Tock…

The man returned with no hand towels. So I thought my luck was in. He told the woman that there was none there. Would she leave without them? NO! “I saw them, Are you sure you looked properly?” she asked the guy on the till to call someone so they could take her assistant to go and have another look.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock…

Then she turned and said “Oh its Bounty, That’s what I wanted. Bounty” so her assistant laughed and made his way back to the isle with the hand towels. She then turned to the cashier and said “How much will that be then?” The cashier tried explaining about 4 times that he wouldn’t know until he had scanned the item.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock….

Her assistant returned with the hand towels and she passed them to the cashier. He scanned them “£5.38 please madam” she gave the man a £10 note. He started to put it through the till when the lady said “Wait!! I think I have the change” So she then spent a further 8 minutes ruffling through her purse.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock…

In the meantime the couple that had joined the cue behind me had had enough and moved to the till next to mine, been served and had left. PAR!! She counted out her pennies and then made her way out of the building.

All in all I think I was stood behind this woman for around 25minutes. 25 minutes of my life that will never ever be returned to me. Do you know how much stuff you can do in 25 minutes?



Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 6, 2010 by lyfeandlyrics

My Par of the week this week happened during my time at Thorpe Park.

Okay so Im a fan of scary rides that get your adrenaline pumping and turn your body inside out. I went there with the thoughts of getting on every ride there and having a great time. This pretty much happened and I definitely weren’t going to let anything get me down.


I stood through rain, sleet and snow to get on rides. I battled through arguments, hunger and the the excruciating pain that comes with having to hold on to a Wee whilst in the queue for a ride, going on the ride and sprinting to the nearest toilet. NOTHING WAS GOING TO BREAK ME!!!


There is one ride at Thorpe Park that I always look at but manage to pull a fast one before getting dragged on it. The ride serves no purpose in my life and makes no sense at all. This ride is called RUSH!! It’s a ride where you are only strapped in around the waist. You have no restraints on your upper body whatsoever. The ride swings forwards and backwards to the point where you’re pretty much upside down with nothing to hold onto!! This ride was clearly not very well thought through and definitely breaks all health and safety laws!!


Anyways for some DUMB reason I ended up in the que next to get on the ride. The gates opened I jumped on my seat and said nothing. I just stared blankly into space. I think everyone in the que could see I was only there as I was with a group of girls and didn’t want to look like a mug. My stomach, heart and head were all telling me no but I kept telling myself “It can’t be that bad”. The ride began!! It swung once… I was nervous, it swung TWIIIIICE and by this point I was literally in tears


THE RIDE EMERGENCY STOPS!! I actually would rather have swung off the ride backwards to my death. WHAT THE HELL!!! Some smart WASTEMAN of a yout had his phone out recording himself on the ride. Panic stations then…I wanted off the ride…yanking at the restraints as the ride operator forced the kid to delete the video. I couldn’t get out. I was literally trembling for a good hour after this. How could anyone do this to a poor guy like me? There must be rules against emergency stopping these things and not letting people get off.

The End!!

My PAR of the week

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 23, 2010 by lyfeandlyrics

Okay so it’s only Tuesday and already I’ve got a PAR of the week for you all. That’s madness surely. My week has barely begun and already im sitting here thinking… why me? What did I do in a past life to deserve this treatment? Did I kick someone’s dog? Laugh at a blind person? Curse infront of the elderly? What did I do???


So anyways my cars broke so this week im having to rely on public transport for the first time in a long time. I can’t actually remember the last time I actually used a bus. So this morning I had to drag myself out of bed at 6am. I had one of them moments where I actually got out of bed and looked back and my body was still tucked up. Like to say I was dreaming. My body looked soo cosy so I got back into bed and hit the snooze button for the 12th time.

Anyways I made it to the bus stop in good time for the bus to arrive. I saw my bus coming up the road and it was a double decker… The excitement on my face was stupid and when I realised that I wasn’t 10 years old anymore I decided I should probably take the childish grin off my face. However I couldn’t remove the butterflies from my stomach as it approached (Such a child). I jumped on the bus and the driver charged me £3 for a single to where I was heading. This brought me down to earth with a bang so i decided to act grown up and sat downstairs. Although I secretly wanted to rush up to the top and run to the front so I could stare out the window and look down the mirrored section where the driver can look up and see you.

On route we seemed to pick up every child from the Oxfordshire region all dressed in their blazers and ties. I laughed to myself thinking back on the days I was supposed to do that. But I walked out my front door…round the corner and swapped my trainers for my shoes and my hoody over the top of my school attire. Anyways my jokes were short lived as some mean looking girl came and sat by me on the seat. She was one of them girls that sits next to you and turns and looks at you like to say “Say summin and I’ll break your face” so I stuck to looking forward. Then she made herself comfortable so I was then squeezed between her and the window. Im not one to moan so I sat tight and held onto my i-pod shuffle incase she took it. I think she realised why I was holding onto it as she pulled her I-pod touch out of her bag.  I wanted to say “I could have one of those if I wanted but I just don’t want one” knowing I couldn’t afford one on my wage. So I held my tongue. Anyways the journey wouldn’t have been half as bad had she not smelt of Rusks? That’s right Rusks? When do kids stop eating these now? Perhaps she had some in her lunchbox who knows. All I know is it made me feel even less at ease. So I stayed quiet and remained facing forward. Finally I could see my stop in the distance however I then realised I was afraid to ask her to move. I sat watching as my stop got closer and closer then finally built up the courage to tell her to move…. Ok Ok I said …”Excuse me this is my stop” in the most polite of ways. Once off the bus I got back to skanking and acting hard. However I’ll never use the bus again in a while…. I’d rather walk the 10miles back to my house.